Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

What an amazingly simple Scripture.  I cannot tell you how many times I said this to myself over and over and over and over on the days that I was not sure I could make it through.  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…

I’d say when I got angry.  I’d say it when I was crying for the 1,734th time in a week.  I’d say it when I felt helpless and inferior as a mother.  I’d say it when I was dog-tired from sleepless nights.  

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength…

It is such an simple Scripture to memorize, to keep right there at the tip of your tongue, to say it when you feel weak and remind yourself of where your strength comes from.  You CAN do this.  You ARE going to get through this and be well again.  And it is NOT your fault.

You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.  Amen.

Devotional, Encouragement

I received the following reminder email from Postpartum Support International today and I wanted to share it with you all.  This would be a great resource for dads:

On Monday, February 23rd, Postpartum Support International will add a weekly informational phone forum for Dads.

There is no need to register, the sessions are live and free, and the facilitators are licensed, mental-health professionals. This is a place where dads, partners, extended family members or other support people, and professionals can find some answers and support from an expert – and from other men. Dads will find honest and compassionate talk about the adjustment to parenthood, information about how fatherhood can affect you, and some helpful advice. Participation can be anonymous.

 

See this link for details. http://postpartum.net/info-sessions/

 

MONDAY CHATS FOR MEN

“What can I do to support my partner?”

“Is it possible that I’m depressed too?”

“Am I the only guy who’s struggling with becoming a dad?”

Care for Others

This past Valentine’s Day weekend, as well as other factors, inspired me to really think about this illness and the affect it has on our spouse (or significant other, depending on your personal situation, I make no assumptions or judgments here).  The past couple of years have brought about a great support system and wealth of information for dads and postpartum mood disorders.  You can see my list of those resources here:  PPD Resources.   Karen Kleiman also has a book entitled The Postpartum Husband that will help as well.  (I have not personally read this book yet, but all of her books are excellent resources.)

There is no doubt that struggling with a PPMD can be stressful on a marriage.  In fact, it may be necessary at some point to seek marital or pastoral counseling and there is no shame in that!  But speaking in the here and now, what are some things you can generally do to keep your communication open with each other and provide mutual support through an incredibly stressful time?  Here are some suggestions, and please comment if you have more:

• Date nights:  I believe this is a must.  Postively, absolutely, if at all humanly possible, have a regular date night.  Mom, this will give you a much-needed break.  What a great time to talk without distractions!  If you have a very hard time leaving the house or baby, perhaps start in small increments – 30 minutes the first week, 45 minutes the next, etc.  You will not regret this!
•  Daily walk:  Exercise is so healthy for both of you, especially your mental health.  Grab the stroller, and take a family walk.  Make this a habit!
• Couple’s “quiet time”:  Grab a devotional book and/or your Bible and take a few minutes before bed each night or in the morning before the day begins (I know all relative with a newborn!) and read and discuss a short devotional together, or read a short passage of Scripture and talk about it.  You do not need to be theological scholars by any means!  Just talk about it.  
• Pray together:  This is such an intimate thing to do together.  Take a quiet moment when the baby is sleeping, perhaps it would be after your “quiet time” together or when you part ways for the day, but take time to pray together – pray for health and safety as each goes about the day, for your marriage, for recovery and healing from the PPD and medical decisions related to that, for the baby, for personal needs, friends’ needs, anything that comes to mind.  Again, nothing eloquent or wordy – just be yourselves, together. 
• Laugh:  Laughter  is so healing!  Grab a comedy movie, some popcorn, and enjoy it together!  Watch a favorite televised sitcom or some reruns.  Play a fun board game, especially one you perhaps haven’t played in years.  When that precious baby starts smiling and interacting, trust me when I say that you will have lots to start laughing at!

Any other ideas?  What worked for you and your marriage?  What did NOT work?

Care for Others, Self-care & Healing

I am appalled.  

I heard through blogs and emails about the Private Practice episode airing on ABC last evening with some sort of postpartum mood disorder storyline.  They even consulted with PSI about doing a PSA sometime during the show.  Those of us who wholeheartedly advocate for these illnesses were thrilled that some accurate information would finally be “out there.”

Boy, were we wrong.

They failed miserably.  For details and an excellent read on the matter, I suggest you check out Katherine Stone’s post on the topic as well as Lauren Hale’s post.   I completely support Katherine’s suggestion to “pull the plug on Private Practice” and in fact, it wouldn’t bother me to take it a step further and go for all of ABC as well.  

(Then again, I do not have satellite or cable so I realize this is an easier step for me than most.  I watch my shows online.)

Admittedly, I did not watch the show, for the above reason.  Even if I could, I do not think I will.  I have gathered enough information from the summaries posted to know that it was poorly done.  In addition, I am inserting an extra step of self-protection because I tend to easily get wrapped up in dramatic moments, and watching the intensity of the some of the scenes described will probably be too much for me.  Then the resulting anger at the mishandling of the information?  Oh yea, it would put me over the edge and I would obsess for days, not to mention the memory triggers alone.  Reading the summary is enough, thankyouverymuch.

If you are a new mom, hurting and wondering how true this episode is, I highly encourage you to check out the posts I linked above and everyone know this:

1.  There are specialists out there to help you through this!  Go to Postpartum Support International and contact the coordinator in your area for a referral.  Additionally, there are a wealth of regional resources listed on the main Out of the Valley site under the “Resources” tab.

2.  Please do not be afraid!  This show is not a representation of a HUGE majority of moms who go through a PPMD.  Trust me on this.  I’ve been there, ok?  Again, see Katherine’s post (linked above) for the errors in the storyline. 

3.  Educate yourself on postpartum mood disorders.  The more you know, the less you fear.  There are several books out there about it, and I list several in the Resources section.  Do yourself a favor and educate yourself.

4.  Do not isolate yourself.  Reach out to other women who have been there.  There is a vast network of blogging mommas who have been there, a couple of community forums (online), and community support groups.  Google is your friend.  You will find out rather quickly that you are not alone and you will find encouragement to keep going.

5.  When you feel well, if you can, be a VOICE for this illness!  Do not be ashamed.  We need advocates to stop the misinformation and stigma about PPD.  There will be more new moms who will be hit with this, and we do not want them to face what those behind us had to face.  Being so open about my story creates numerous ministry opportunities.  You would not believe the number of woman who will bravely admit for the first time ever that they suffered, too, when you talk about your own story.  It’s happened to me on more than one occassion.  You can start being a voice, even now, by taking a stand against how the producers, writers, or whoever-the-powers-may-be on this show treated this illness.

Pull the plug, folks.  Take a stand.  Lift your voice.  There is no better time than now.

Media

I read this post on the blog Becoming Me this evening and it just brought me to tears.  She is writing to her 30-year-old self just before she gives birth, primarily about the upcoming PPD she will experience, giving advice and encouragement.  I recommend you check it out, it’s really beautiful.  

Not only can you read and appreciate it for what this letter means to the writer, but read it for yourself.  If you are hurting, this is you, too.  Be encouraged.  

Letter to Me Before I Became a Mom

Encouragement

When I first became a Christian, Rich Mullins was one of the first contemporary Christian musicians I was introduced to. His voice, his music, the lyrics – just an amazing artist. His song “Hold Me Jesus” has gotten me through a lot of hard times as well, including PPD. I may post that another day, but today I wanted to post this song for you. I heard this on the radio last night and I hadn’t heard it in a long time. I was reminded of what an amazing song it is and I wanted to share it with you today. The lyrics are in the video for you to read. I also have to mention that, as a pianist, I really enjoy the piano accompaniment to this one. Beautiful! Enjoy!

Videos & Music

Romans 15:13

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

He is my God of hope.  Full of hope.  Full.  And He will fill me with all joy and peace as I trust Him, with everything, so that I, too, can be full, even overflowing, with HOPE.  

How powerful is that?  If you can pray just one prayer today, may it be this one.  I remember days when I had no idea what to pray other than Lord, get me through this!  I know you feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling.  They are not, trust me.  He hears every word and He is answering.  

Here is one way to pray this Scripture, if you would like.  Simply pray, read the words, whisper the words aloud, or read them to yourself. Let them rest in your heart.  

 Lord, my God of hope, please fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You (learn to trust you; and help me to trust in You; etc.), so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

Devotional

Oh, the cold is driving me bonkers.

Ok, so don’t laugh.  I know I live in Florida, the land of Sunshine and Sunny Days.  But here in the NE section, we get some cold spells this time of year and this year, we have gotten several.  I count myself fortunate to live here knowing that we do not have long winters and it will not be long before another warm spell comes along and the kids can play outside again.  

I have a whole new respect for you Northern girls.  How do you do it??  How do you get through the winter months, particularly if you are a mom suffering from a PPMD (postpartum mood disorder) and the gray, cold days just bring you down?  What can you do to get through it?  

I’ll list some tips off the top of my head.  I know some are difficult to do, especially when depressed, but I strongly encourage you to take the steps necessary to do them.  It will be worth it. 

And please comment if you have further tips!  I would love for us all to share some.

• MOPS or other similar Moms Clubs are great resources this time of year.  Some meet weekly, every other week, once a month.  Visit www.mops.org to find one in your area, or check local parenting publications and churches.
• If you are located near an indoor mall, most open at 8am or 9am for mall walkers.  Grab that stroller and WALK.  The exercise is great, the elderly population who mall-walk are so sweet smiling at the baby(ies), and you can top it off by letting older children (if you have any) play at the indoor playground (if available).  Ours has a Chick-Fil-A that is open that early as well.  
• Following up on the above point, check out StrollerStrides.  You can search for classes in your area where you can take your baby and your stroller and workout!  They also feature an information page on PPD.  They get five stars alone in my book just for that.
• Call a friend, arrange a playdate.  Even if your babies are infants, take care of them while chatting over coffee or tea.  We women need each other.  Just pick up the phone and call.  You never know when the other mom is desperately waiting for her own phone to ring.
• Think forward to the sunshine coming.  I know its hard in the moment, but it will come.  
• My grocery store has a floral section, I hope yours does as well.  Bring spring early to your house by buying some fresh flowers for your table or bedroom or fireplace mantle.  Fresh flowers always do the heart good.  (Except when they make me sneeze.  :)  )
• Join a women’s small group Bible study.  If your church does not offer one, find a local church who does.  Most do not mind and even welcome anyone to come in and join.  If it is a morning Bible study, childcare is usually offered.
• Any other suggestions?

Self-care & Healing

This is one of my all-time favorite hymns.  Ever.  I love the version by Shane and Shane – you might check that one out when you have a chance – but all versions are beautiful.  The words are powerful, the melody haunting yet peaceful, and the message clear.  Our circumstances can seem overwhelming, but Christ is our Rock.  He holds us firm.  It Is Well.

Videos & Music

In my very first Out of the Valley website, we had a community forums feature.  It was used periodically and posts came in waves – lots of hurting ladies at once, then no posts for a few weeks.  I had a fabulous moderating team as well.

Then I transitioned to a newly formatted website using a different content management system that did not include forum software.  We finally got another one installed, but then it literally disappeared one day.  As in, you click on it and it was a white page.  From there, we have not had a chance to work on it.

I have been involved in ministry community forums before as a moderator and a board director and am quite familiar with the work involved and the time required.  As I have thought about all of this, including the lack of time to even get the forums working again, I have decided to discontinue that feature of this ministry.

If you are the type of woman who would thrive from getting support in a community forum atmostphere, check out today’s article at Sharing the Journey.  She is interviewing the founder of the Online PPD Support Group (secular) that is now quite active.  I, personally, am not involved there nor have I ever been, but because I was active on forums for quite a few years both as a member and as a leader/board member, I know they are very helpful and the ladies can be a great support when you are hurting.  You know you are not alone.

I find that I am best supporting and ministering to women right now through personal contact (email) and through the blog and maintaining the site and blog itself.  I am enjoying it very much!  However, my time online is limited, especially while my children are so young, so for now the forums as a feature of Out of the Valley Ministries are on hold until God leads me otherwise.

If you have thoughts on the subject and the need (or not)  for a faith-based online forum, please feel free to comment or email me!

Ministry News