I encourage you to connect with other women who have PPD.  There are some many options for support…..blogs, support groups (in person of online), phone support.  Pick one that feels right to you and reach out.  For a list of support people in your state visit Postpartum Support International at www.postpartum.net. 

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.

 ² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

 ³ He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.

I am honored to share my story and recovery from PPD.  I pray that my words will be a blessing to you. 

I gave birth to my second daughter on November 8. 2000.  Little did I know the darkest days of my life would soon follow.  I felt great the first few weeks after delivery and marveled at how well I was handling a newborn and a 2 1/2 year old.  Then something changed.  Five weeks after delivery, I began experiencing a profound fatigue as if I was developing a cold or flu.  The fatigue quickly turned to anxiety, panic and a deep, deep sadness.  I couldn’t sit still.  I had to keep moving.  I was very irritable and easily angered.  Sleep, what I craved the most, eluded me. 

My symptoms worsened quickly.  I soon became unable to hold or nurse my baby Grace.  She scared me…I was convinced I was a bad mother and that if she started crying, I would be unable to comfort her.  I called my doctor’s office and a familiar and soothing voice answered the phone.  My doctor was notified and a prescription was called in.  I was given an appointment to see the doctor later that week.  

That night my symptoms worsened to the point that I began having suicidal thoughts and had even devised a plan.  I couldn’t go on like this.  I laid in bed and pondered what my family’s life would be like without me.  I was of no use to them in this condition.  I laid there paralyzed with fear, paralyzed to the point that I could not act on the suicidal thoughts.  By the grace of God, I made it until morning.  God sustained me through the night. 

My husband went to work as usual.  I did not tell him about my suicidal thoughts.  I was scared to tell him.  I knew he would be in pain because I was in pain and I wanted to spare him the agony.   

I called my doctor’s office and told them of the suicidal thoughts I was experiencing.  I was told to immediately call my family to come over to ensure my safety.  I was given an appointment later that afternoon.  I called my close family membrs and within minutes my house was filled with the women of my family.  Women sent by God to help ease and carry this burden.  

My mom accompanied me to the doctor’s office later that afternoon.  I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital that evening. 

What followed is a miraculous story of healing, a renewal of my faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I learned firsthand that God is good and He is faithful.  I learned that even when we walk through the darkness, He is there with us.  I learned that in the midst of chaos, He provides peace.  Most importanly, I learned that God loved me despite my faults, fears and failures. 

As I look back on those dark days, the saddest of my life, I see God’s hand on every page of the story.  Despite the pain, I would not change a single word.

This has not been an easy decision and has been, in fact, one that I have wrestled with for quite a few months now.  But after prayer, consideration, discussion with church staff and trusted mentors, I believe it is time.  I do not know what His plans are at this point, but I know that this door is closing and I eagerly look forward to the next, whatever that may be.

Just in the past months I have witnessed God raise up several women in Christian PPD advocacy to minister to hurting moms from a Christian perspective through blogs, discussions, books, etc.  It is SO encouraging to me!  God is amazing in how He works and heals.   For myself, I have learned so much, been so blessed, and ultimately the healing that comes from ministering to others is beyond words.

I encourage all of  you to continue on and forward, living out 2 Corinthians 1:3-7:

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

The website will remain as is and maintained for now, as a static resource of sorts.  All blog posts will remain up, but I will no longer be posting any new blog posts unless they are from guest writers, and I will most likely put those as articles on the main site as well, anyhow.   You are welcome to contact me via email with any questions or heart concerns, I am still available in that way!

Off to cry some more tears…love you all!

God bless,

Tara

I wanted to point you in the direction of Shane’s blog and speaking ministry!  She shares about her experience with PPD both on her blog and as a speaker, from a Christian perspective.  You can find her here:  http://shanesheart.com/ and here http://heartreflections.wordpress.com/.

It is always such a joy to me when more and more ladies share their journey through PPD and through it give hope to other women.  You are not alone!  None of us are!

Thank you, Shane, for all that you do!

I love the imagery of hiding in the shadow His wings.  What a safe place to be!  Comfortable, caring, soothing…rest there, sweet friend.

Eight Natural Ways to Boost Seratonin and Mood

Not only was it very helpful, but the items on this list are just all-around great health tips.  Very well-written and informative article.   These are things I have or am incorporating into my life already and it really does help so much.  I feel better all the way around.  Check it out!

*Disclaimer:  Advice on Out of the Valley and in this blog is not to replace the advice of your physician or medical professional.  Informational purposes only.

I won’t be ’round much this week as Chris and I take some time to ourselves at a B&B while the grandparents take care of (ie spoil rotten) the kiddos.  They are in hog heaven while I type this.  

Please take care of yourselves this week, stay encouraged, check out other links and blogs listed here and feel free to email.  I’ll reply as soon as I return!

Blessings!

Tara

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. -Isaiah 43:2

The passage describes such overwhelming conditions, yet the Lord tells us He will be with us and we will NOT be totally overwhelmed  - we will not be swept over, we will not be burned, we will not be set ablaze.  In the hurting times in our lives, it easy to think that this time it has gone too far, “Lord, this is too much, I can’t handle anymore!”  But He is there with us, ensuring the waters do not sweep over us, that we will not be burned and we will not be set ablaze.  

Rest in the comfort of His arms this day and His promises.  He is more than faithful.