This past Valentine’s Day weekend, as well as other factors, inspired me to really think about this illness and the affect it has on our spouse (or significant other, depending on your personal situation, I make no assumptions or judgments here).  The past couple of years have brought about a great support system and wealth of information for dads and postpartum mood disorders.  You can see my list of those resources here:  PPD Resources.   Karen Kleiman also has a book entitled The Postpartum Husband that will help as well.  (I have not personally read this book yet, but all of her books are excellent resources.)

There is no doubt that struggling with a PPMD can be stressful on a marriage.  In fact, it may be necessary at some point to seek marital or pastoral counseling and there is no shame in that!  But speaking in the here and now, what are some things you can generally do to keep your communication open with each other and provide mutual support through an incredibly stressful time?  Here are some suggestions, and please comment if you have more:

• Date nights:  I believe this is a must.  Postively, absolutely, if at all humanly possible, have a regular date night.  Mom, this will give you a much-needed break.  What a great time to talk without distractions!  If you have a very hard time leaving the house or baby, perhaps start in small increments – 30 minutes the first week, 45 minutes the next, etc.  You will not regret this!
•  Daily walk:  Exercise is so healthy for both of you, especially your mental health.  Grab the stroller, and take a family walk.  Make this a habit!
• Couple’s “quiet time”:  Grab a devotional book and/or your Bible and take a few minutes before bed each night or in the morning before the day begins (I know all relative with a newborn!) and read and discuss a short devotional together, or read a short passage of Scripture and talk about it.  You do not need to be theological scholars by any means!  Just talk about it.  
• Pray together:  This is such an intimate thing to do together.  Take a quiet moment when the baby is sleeping, perhaps it would be after your “quiet time” together or when you part ways for the day, but take time to pray together – pray for health and safety as each goes about the day, for your marriage, for recovery and healing from the PPD and medical decisions related to that, for the baby, for personal needs, friends’ needs, anything that comes to mind.  Again, nothing eloquent or wordy – just be yourselves, together. 
• Laugh:  Laughter  is so healing!  Grab a comedy movie, some popcorn, and enjoy it together!  Watch a favorite televised sitcom or some reruns.  Play a fun board game, especially one you perhaps haven’t played in years.  When that precious baby starts smiling and interacting, trust me when I say that you will have lots to start laughing at!

Any other ideas?  What worked for you and your marriage?  What did NOT work?

Care for Others, Self-care & Healing